“Yes, risk taking is inherently failure-prone. Otherwise, it would be called sure-thing-taking.” -JM

The last week or so ive been contemplating buying a car. The question is do i buy, lease, take over a lease, buy from the net, buy from an auction etc etc too many options.
Getting a nice new car seems ideal but the second you leave the lot the car depreciates. What is that money that is automatically gone once ur in your new car? I call it risk, paying for risk.
One time someone asked me if i were to be offered an ipod out of the back of a truck how much would i pay for it? I said something like half the price, if to me that ipod is worth 50% and the extended guarantee on it is only like a third of the price isnt it worth it? I was actually surprised that he had me there but people put alot of hope into thinking things will work in their favor.
I took a class once in school called fear and risk. The class made us look at various papers about risk and also how its very fed into our minds in the media. If you dont buy Colgate toothpaste, your teeth wont be white and you wont have that car shes driving in the add nor the husband in the passenger seat. Do you wanna risk that? Can you pay 2,50$ buy the damn paste just to make sure?
There is no clear point in this post about risk but just a note to ponder about how much your life is governed by fear and risk. Ask yourself how much are you paying for risk, how much will you give for risk?

TBA

Im really on the fence about having kids. I know i dont have to decide this now and when the time comes ill probalby have a different perspective but for now i think its probably a bad idea! Im pretty patient with screaming babies i have been there and done that, barking dog i lose it! im not sure if living with a child would make me react the same way i do on the dog since im around him alot more then babies.
Also there are alot of things that ive always told myself when i hear dor saw a parent treating their kid," ill never do that" "ill remember when i have kids not to do that to them" Right now i cant remember any of those things!
Its a scary thought, sometimes i wonder what it'd be like if i was one of those people who never get married and never have kids, or if i was the complete opposite. Right now its hard to say.

A noodle for your heart. -Short story.

"So was it love at first sight?" they asked.
They looked at each other and he gave her a reluctant eye.
"Well", she said "It was his cooking that first won my heart"
They all laughed and drank some more of their wine. He was a cook at a french cuisine restaurant and she was working as a manager of a coffee shop just a short block away from their street entrance apartment on the lower east side.
When he'd met her, she did not cook atall, however, she did make a good cappuccino. He'd always admired the way she carefully handled the cups and saucers as she placed it on the breakfast table next to him. It was almost as if she was his own personal coffee connaisseur.
She looked over at him drinking his wine, swirling it in his cup. She envied him, what was he doing? Just cause he was a cook did he have to act like he knew everything about wine as well. Smelling at it, humbly agreeing with the waiter that it was good enough.
"So do you guys eat excellent food all the time?"
She laughed in her head as she wondered if they knew that she'd been doing some cooking since the restaurant had lost a cook he'd been working double and was too tired to cook when he got home, which she understood because he did cook all day.
He smiled and replied "Certainly not we would have a far too expensive grocery bill, and imagine the left overs if we ate like at work" He thought about their dinner the other night, he'd never taught her how to cook but she had picked up a few of his habits which worked in her favor.
"I do some of the better cooking anyway!" she said half jokingly. She liked to watch him squirm. She has been making dinner lately and he never said a word about it but the expected "thank you, was good" Had he just been putting up with her cooking all this time or did he actually enjoy it. Maybe he just didnt say anything after dinner as he would wash and she would dry the plates. She knew, that he knew, thatd shed be upset if he were to criticize her cooking.
It had happened just like that a few months prior where he commented on how to brown mushrooms. A comment about mushrooms left her alone for two nights. They had fought so wildly he left for his mums for 1 night 2 days. 24 hours into their argument she text him saying that 'she was hungry and didnt know what to eat anymore'. A far cry from an apology, but a bargain plea for him to return.
She smiled at him drinking the last sip of his glass.
He knew what she was thinking, about the fight they'd recently had about cooking. He could tell by the way she bit her lip after she'd made that joke. No one suspected conflict in the kitchen when ultimately it seemed he would be the only one using it. The day after the argument he felt bad after he'd read her text message. So like her to not apologize but ask him back indirectly. He had gone back later that day, sparing a few hours at to help his dad move some wood into the house for the winter. He returned to find a cup of cappuccino with the foam in a perfect heart. She'd taught him to do that by running a knife through the center of the foam. The cappuccino was unfortunately cold, he put a pot of hot water on the stove and thought about what to do with it while it came to a boil, he craziest ideas always came to him in the moment. He chose something easy instead, made dinner and they ate together and talked over their glasses.
Maybe, he thought, they were only together cause he could cook and she would die of bland cuisine if he left for too long, maybe he liked the occasional heart in his cappuccino, he didn't know. If he could keep someone by doing the only thing he knew how to do well then i guess that was good enough.

“I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastromi,.Some one needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself.”

I never know what to eat, the other day i asked my friend what to eat and she said "weren't you just at the grocery store?" I said; "yea but theres nothing to eat there" Apparently grocery stores should have everything but they are really not that complete.
Today i was walking past the isles reading the signs above each isle that say what is in them. Each sign has about 6 things on it, categories one would assume that the foods fall into. Wrong! They are pretty specific, either people eat rice cakes alot more then i thought, or there is a whole isle wall of different types of rice cakes because that was one of the categories. Next isle: fruit rolls... What are fruit rolls? Fruit roll ups? Isnt there just one box of those one kind?
So clearly the variety in grocery stores is lacking otherwise there wouldnt be entire sections important enough to name like 'mexican foods'. Since when is mexican so popular? I though Thai was the new thing, if you're going to put mexican up there, i wanna see chinese, greek, and thai up there too.
Truth is there is alot of stuff on the outter edges which people eat the most, like bread, fruit, and frozen pizza. Why isnt there signs on the outter edges like a sign that says MEAT :( with a sad face or BREAD! <3 bread would have a heart next to it.
Anyhow point is i never know what to eat, and its probably got alot to do with the fact that i dont know how to cook. I only eat stuff that is edible as soon as you buy it, like yogurt, cereal... thats all i can think of. oh yea...and fruit and baby carrots since they are already peeled and so easy to eat!

"have i gone mad?" "i'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are"

Id rather be different then all the same
lifes more interesting that way.

"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world" -AF

Sometimes when im thinking about how alot of people my age are a bit lost; not quite sure where they are going in life, i think about how fast things change. Just as an example two years ago i had no idea what i was going, but now i think ive figured it out, at least for the most part some short term goals. Things change fast, before you know it you're already done something you felt as though you almost just began.

Despite this i feel that there are more things that remain the same for longer than they take to change. You think about certain situations and say: 'had this or that happened 8 months ago where would we be today?' Its frustrating that so much time is wasted without change.

The things that do change quickly usually only take one action and then the rest comes tumbling out after. The things that don't change are those that you cant action even if you tried. They involve someone else, and its up to them to change. Unfortunately they spend more time thinking about it than it would take to start and be over and done with.

It is only your life that is in your hands, only you can make it happen. So, that being said if for you this means taking the initiative to do something you've been meaning to do: go for it. If you're on the other side, just know that you cant change someone or make someone do something unless they want to, let these things go and try to be patient while they waste their time and focus on making your life as best as you can make it for yourself.

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. -BO