Awake

I lie here awake, going on two hours, the reason...i guess thinking too much. What am I thinking about? What is keeping me awake im not sure. The things i've thought about in the last 2 hours have ranged from replaying bad moments i've lived through over in my mind, as i often do, to wondering whats next in life. When am I going to go to Brazil, Australia and Europe? When am I going to move...when am I going to be on my own? When am I going to get a job? When, if i get a job, can i travel? Can i afford to travel if i move out? When is the right time to do all these things? What will they think of me when I do these things? Why am I alone? Whats wrong with me? Is it by choice? I relived your accident even though i wasn't there, I relived when we broke up, I relived when i told him about her problem, I relived moments and played them out differently. I thought about when and what you think about me. I've been happy, I've been mad, I've been sad.... lying awake for the last two hours.